Teenage Dream
by ShinigamiMailJeevas
Summary: What if Mello had taken Matt's hand? What if Mello had left earlier? What if Mello had learned to smile? What if...Mello had no regrets? Oneshot. MM. AU


**Disclaimer: **No, surprisingly, I don't own Death Note..

**AN**: I can't really explain this... just read it XD (though it does switch off from Matt to Mello, and has longer time skips punctuated by two periods '. )

.

**Suggested Listening:** Teenage Dream **by **Katy Perry

_-Begin-_

It was hardly his first day there, but as he was younger than most of the children there no one paid much attention to him. That and they said he looked weird. But he didn't care, he liked the overly large goggles that covered his eyes, that protected them from the harsh sunlight.

But that didn't mean he wanted to stay alone. Matt had never been outgoing, or social, but as he stood in the corridor he felt determination rise in him as he caught sight of that familiar blond hair.

He had seen the blond haired boy hitting some of the older kids, but despite that he felt drawn to him. Matt supposed it wasn't exactly a wise decision to approach someone known for violence, but that wasn't what Matt saw in him. He saw loneliness. And Matt had never been able to handle seeing pain in others.

So despite his hesitancy he walked up to the blond, who had a scratch on his cheek from his most recent scuffle, and held out his stripe covered arm and asked him to try. Try to be his friend. Just try.

.

Mello was unhappy. That idiot Jamison, who was three years older than him, had dared take his chocolate just because he was taller and stronger than him. But Mello had gotten his confection back after a fight, as well as another warning from the caretaker about his behavior.

It was hardly his fault that Jamison had taken his chocolate...

With a huff he stalked down the hallway but paused when a tiny and frail looking red-haired boy stepped out in front of him. He had a small smile on his face as he stretched out his shaking arm.

Mello unconsciously took a step back as the obviously younger boy asked him to be friends. Mello wasn't friends with anyone, didn't like any one there. But... there was something in those just barely visible eyes that called to Mello. He hesitated, but wearily shook the boys hand.

.

.

Years later, his teenage years, Mello had found his best and greatest friend in Matt. As well as a strange attraction to him and him alone. Mello had often wondered if it had started because of the way Matt made him feel special even without intending to. How Matt made him happy despite all of the testing and pressure to become L, the only dream Mello had left.

But Mello decided that it didn't matter why or how it had happened, just that it had. And he really had no clue what to do about it, other than to shove it to the back of his thoughts and ignore it.

.

Over the years Matt had never once regretted becoming Mello's friend, and knew that Mello felt the same way. They were a terror to the house when they wanted to be, despite his own laid back attitude.

That wasn't to say that because he always played games and appeared to be lost to reality that he didn't pay attention, didn't notice things...

Matt saw what Mello and the other kids wouldn't; that the 'caretakers' of Wammys really didn't care so much for_ them_, as a person, but what they could be as L. He saw Mello struggling, breaking and cracking, under the continuous pressure of the house. He was loosing bits and pieces of himself that Matt adored with every test he failed to do his 'best' on.

And Matt hated it.

.

Again!

The results were always the same. Always changing and fluctuating but always the same in the end. He was always second! He snarled and tossed a book across the room. But it did little to calm him, in fact the opposite occurred and he picked up two more books and hurled them at the empty desk to his left.

He growled and snarled in frustration, teeth grit harshly.

If one more person looked at him with that pitying gaze, or those smug knowing looks despite him being better than them, he was going to loose it!

.

Matt hadn't seen Mello since the latest test results were posted. And he was under no delusions that the blond had gotten angry and stormed off to someplace quieter. He wished Mello didn't care so much about those things. Life was more than studying and tests and becoming L.

He finally noticed how everyone was avoiding the library, and knew with certainty that Mello was in there, or had been in there. They never went near him when he got into one of his rages. Not since someone had gotten injured...

He silently pushed the large doors open and shut them behind him. The place was a mess but Matt was hardly surprised. Matt picked his way through the piles of books that were strewn along the floors and the slippery pages of the ones that hadn't managed to stay intact.

Matt paused, sneaker nearly treading on the spine of a book, as he spied Mello. The blond was in the middle of the room crouched on the floor and holding one of his hands to his chest, blood sliding down his wrist and tears falling fast from his eyes.

His heart lurched as those puffy blue eyes locked onto him.

.

Matt had found him.

Mello had hoped to have gotten himself in control long before the redhead sought him out. It seemed he had failed in that area too. He averted his gaze, more than ashamed that it was once again Matt who had to see him in that state.

But even as Matt knelt before him he didn't say anything about all the destruction. He simply tore a strip of his shirt off and used it to gently bandage his hand. Mello couldn't even remember how he had managed to injure himself. He had simply...lost it for a while, like he did sometimes.

Matt tended to him until the blood had stopped flowing from his wrist but still held the injured hand carefully between his own. Mello couldn't help himself, his other hand dug into the fabric of his jeans and he swallowed harshly as the tears continued to fall.

Everything was falling apart, and he had come to realize that he would _never _beat Near no matter how much effort he put into it.

He was useless in everything he did...

.

Matt pulled the blond to his chest and cradled him carefully, stroking his hair soothingly. He couldn't stand to see Mello like that, despite Mello's eyes being that much more startling when they were swimming with tears. If only they were tears of happiness Matt wouldn't mind...

He couldn't let it go on, everything about that place was destroying his friend and Matt hated it. He swallowed almost silently and steeled himself to ask something he had wanted to for a while, only to stop when Mello seemed to steal the words right from him.

"...let's run away...let's just...get out of here..."

He knew that look in Mello's eyes, the look that said Mello believed himself to be a failure, and Matt knew he would have to change that. But they needed to leave first, get away from the dampening feel of Wammys.

Matt released the blond and stood, pulling Mello up to his feet gently and smiled at him as he grasped his friends hand. And when Mello didn't pull away, he knew they really were going to get out of there.

.

Mello was stunned, more than stunned, that Matt had wanted to do the same.

His mind was in a whirl as he and Matt broke into Roger's office and stole what little remained of their previous lives, including a set of passports, ones that Mello supposed would have been theirs if neither of them made it to the position of L, that Mello knew would need to be altered later on if they didn't want to get caught and brought back.

And even as they passed the gates of Wammys, everything of value in the two backpacks between them, he still couldn't believe that Matt had wanted to do that...just for him.

But then again... Matt had always done everything for him. Always.

.

.

When they finally got to the states, after what seemed like months of travel, Mello had gotten his first taste of 'real' life, one away from England where they had spent the majority of their childhoods.

It was hot where they were, even worse as it was summer, and they were tired and bone weary. Matt knew that the blond just wanted to stop, to finally be done with everything, but they both knew it would be at least another two weeks before Matt felt comfortable trying to hack anything again.

They would need to get jobs and a place to stay in the meantime, but it was too late for for that day. So he had led them to the beach, where it would get cool at night, probably too cold.

The blond hadn't been in a good mood since they had gotten to the warmer states, probably because of the leather that encased his body. Mello had taken a surprising love of the material the moment he had seen it and definitely after he had tried it on. Matt was, in all reality, only slightly surprised at the blonds instant liking for it and always smiled secretly at how good Mello looked in it. Far better than the baggy clothing he'd had at Wammys only under a year before.

.

Mello wanted nothing to do with the beach, but Matt had insisted, and Mello did agree that it was a good place to sleep as they would have been easily told to leave anywhere else, especially without money.

It would be hard for a few weeks, but they had dealt with worse.

Matt took their packs and threw them to the side with a small smile that Mello would have called mischievous. He understood it the moment Matt pulled him down into the sand to build something.

"We're not five." he told him, but it was hardly a deterrent and soon they had finished a small sloppy castle. Sloppy because they kept taking handfuls of the structure to throw at one another.

Despite that... it had lifted his spirits.

He curled up closely to Matt that night to ward off the cold, and was secretly happy when Matt wrapped his arms around him and draped his jacket across them.

They woke in the morning when the tide came in, shrieking in laughter at the cold water that soaked them. Mello decided, seeing Matt's grinning face, that he really couldn't regret anything so long as he was always like that with him.

.

.

They had gotten an apartment, Mello working at a bar with his fake ID and mature looks; the leather had helped, Matt thought. While Matt worked at a game store, though Mello said his job was hardly work. It was dull and boring at times, but infinitely better than Wammys.

Matt took up hacking again once he was certain that his laptop was secure and wouldn't be traced back to them. That was the last thing they had needed.

He knew Mello, in part, still wanted to be a detective. But until Mello decided what he wanted, Matt would simply be there, waiting.

.

Mello had noticed the looks Matt shot him as the weeks had turned into months, but he wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not. And he wasn't about to say anything unless he was certain.

He would not do anything to jeopardize what they had as friends if that was only what they were.

It was kind of lonely, but he dealt with it.

.

.

Matt's heart jumped into his throat as the door slammed, signaling that Mello's was home. He had been struggling with a decision for the better part of the week, and coming to terms with things months before that, and with the object in question home, he was nervous.

Mello rose an eyebrow at him as he walked in to the living room where the television blasted music off of one of the band channels, and Matt shrugged, pushing back all of his doubts. He would start slow...and see how it went.

"Mello, dance with me?"

.

Mello stared at the outstretched hand and took in Matt's nervousness as the music blared on behind him. It wasn't really about dancing...was it?

He took hold of Matt's hand and allowed himself to be pulled close, far closer than the upbeat techno song dictated they should be. He didn't let go of Matt's hand though, even when Matt gave him the chance.

Mello's heart raced expectantly as Matt's fingers hesitantly came to brush against his cheek and slide carefully behind his ear. He didn't dare close his eyes when Matt leaned foreword to kiss him, and in turn Matt had pushed his goggles up to his forehead. Mello had always loved to see Matt's eyes...

Matt's eyes mirrored exactly what Mello had felt for so long and he didn't hesitate to move Matt's hands passed his waist and under his clothing. They danced, in a way, but further from the living room.

Mello would have no regrets, for the second time in his life, as Matt laid him down on the bed, their naked bodies pressed together, as they lost their virginity together; hands pressed against each other and mouths against flesh.

Mello was certain that neither of them would have ever been happy had they stayed at Wammys. They were everything to each other, the only ones who understood the other.

.

Matt, who loved him even when he was weak and cried and made a fool of himself.

Mello who knew what he was thinking even when he didn't say a word.

Matt, who always believed the best of him when he had doubts about himself.

Mello who always took his hand when it mattered.

Matt who was the only person to ever make him feel that way...

Mello who...

Matt who...

...loved him.

-End-

**AN:** what is it with me and my odd onesohts lately? Geeze... it's the music, I swear...

review?


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